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“Above all, be fervent in your love for one another, for love covers a multitude of sin.”
Last weekend, Clay and I celebrated our marriage of 43 years — quite a legacy. We could never have imagined the adventures, legacy, lessons we would learn about life through our many years. Today on Tea Time Tuesday, I speak of basic principles that helped us find grace to strengthen our marriage.
Most marriages start out with some idealism, romantic expectations. Mine was no different. Clay won me with bouquets of yellow roses (I was his yellow rose of Texas), romantic cards, dinners out. He put a lot of effort into winning me. And of course, I think most of us put a lot of imagination into how amazing our married life will be, how amazing our spouses will be.
And then, there is life — 24 moves, 9 internationally; 4 children and 3 miscarriages, morning sickness all 9 months of pregnancy, almost dying from blood loss from one miscarriage, having to be in bed for 2 months. We have had deaths of family members, car wrecks, financial challenges, illness, a fire, and even 2 floods in our house, church splits, relative problems, ministry problems, lots of stress.
Nothing quite prepared me, as a very immature, untrained young woman, to know how to bear all of the stresses we would face just by being a family.
It was several years before I realized, "This is it? It is not going to change — these are the defining issues of our marriage, our children, our family and they are not going to change?" And yet, I had been taught to seek God’s word, to pray and to obey and live in wisdom.
Just like salvation, you should work out your marriage with fear and trembling.
Learn and practice how not to be petty.
Look into the heart of your husband. Understand the context of his life, see who he is inside. What made him the man he is today. Ask God to give you understanding, wisdom, insight and mature love to relate to him based on his heartfelt needs.
Take it slow, seriously — it is one of the most profound legacies and stories you will ever live in reflecting faith, love, beauty in your lifetime. I’ll share even more principles in today’s new podcast episode.
Read about marriage in my new book, Well Lived.
