“A gentle answer turns away wrath. But harsh words make tempers flare.” Proverbs 15:1
Being able to actively “grandmother” Lilian and Samuel has been a deep heart delight to me. But it has reminded me of the power of gentleness and patience. My little ones are slow, messy, willful, but also fun, delightful and mine! I have been reminded again that gentleness and quiet patience really draws them to me. I am the one who needs to change my “always busy, accomplish something now “ attitude to fit their sweet, growing little hearts, not the other way around.
This year hasn’t been easy on anyone — from social distancing to canceled important events to children staying home from school, many young mamas have faced extra challenges on top of the already demanding tasks of motherhood. It’s easy to allow this added stress to deeply affect us, influencing our attitude and outlook on everyday life. But we must look to Proverbs 15:1 when interacting with our loved ones, no matter the stressful circumstances we face. When mamas choose to do this, they give their children the gift of a lifegiving, gentle mama by whom they feel nurtured and loved.
I will never forget this moment. Standing in the hallway of the hotel where we were hosting our mom’s conference, I noticed a sweet mama who looked as though she was at the end of her rope. Holding a young baby, who was arching his little back and crying as though his heart would break, she looked beside herself.
I offered to hold her little one so she could get some rest. Sure enough, he would begin to quiet and then something, probably a little gurgly tummy, would cause him to begin to wail once again. I held him close, cheek to cheek, his to mine, with my mouth aimed toward his little ear.
Softly I began to talk to him and then sing the song so often sung to my children: “You are my sunshine, my only sunshine,” very softly, very gently. He would quiet down. Then another cry would begin, and I would talk to him very softly again … “You are not alone. You are so very precious, you are a darling boy,” lyrically, holding his soft cheek so he could feel mine. Each time my voice started, his little eyes got big and he would quiet.
After several minutes of this repeating, he fell fast asleep.
When my children were young, if I wrapped my demeanor, by my will, in softness and gentleness and answered their anger in a gentle voice, with non-accusing eyes, they were more likely than not to listen to me and to respond.
They still are! And so is my husband and so are my friends and and and…….
“I understand you are feeling frustrated or angry, but I want to listen to you and understand what you are saying so I can help you.”
Angry words answered with loud voices and accusation just adds fuel to the flame of anger. Gentleness and sympathy puts water on the fire of a loved one’s angry heart, soothing their frustrated feelings. Once I had this scripture in my head and learned to use it in many relationship situations, I saw how effective this piece of wisdom was. All of us desire, even in our frustration, to be honored.
There is no absolute solution or formula to calming every angry quarrel. Yet, wisdom from Proverbs has often saved the moment for my family. A hormonal teen, an exhausted toddler, an exasperated school-aged child, or a husband who is angry—all of these long to be treated with focused attention, an understanding heart, and a loving response.
As we all know, it is natural to react in like—anger to anger. However, it is the Spirit of Him who is love that leads us to react in love. As the Spirit lives through us, we will see His power and fruit drawing others to Him through us, when we choose to remember bits of truth he has left for us to follow. A gentle answer turns away anger.
Gentleness grows stronger with practice. It comes with humility. It grows as wisdom and takes root in the heart that values the ones she loves. May God grant us to become gentle in our love, that others may see Him through us.
I just completed a podcast about this as well as the subject of how humility, coupled with gentleness, gives us a way to be more joyful in life. It is on my membership: Lifewithsally.com
